When it comes to love, you can’t flip the order
I don’t really want to write about love – to be honest most days I don’t even want to think about it.
This morning I was trying to get into the left lane in order to make a turn at the light. I put my blinker on, but instead of letting me through, the old man behind me accelerated then gave me that look. Later, after leaving the grocery store, I started to make a left turn but noticed a car turning into the grocery store from my right, so I patiently waited. The driver, a crotchety old man, made his turn but not without almost kissing my car with his, and then he too gave me that look!
Why is everybody so mad these days?
This week on social media the news broke of yet another Christian celebrity whose marriage seems to be on the rocks. Her husband, a popular worship leader, was fired from his church for texting other men, including minors, inappropriately. His behavior had been allegedly going on for a decade. What was surprising was that the wife who had an upcoming book release continued her book tour for an entire week after her husband was fired until the news finally became public. At that time, she announced that she would be taking a break from further book release activities.
While many were sympathetic to her plight, I myself was baffled that it took her a whole week to step away from all the fame and stage lights in order to deal with a disaster in her home.
One Christian author took to social media pleading with readers to buy the betrayed wife’s book in a show of love support.
Is this what love is?
Is love buying enough books from Amazon to send an author’s new release to the best-selling list in order to help ease the pain of a recent betrayal?
Is love putting up with the infidelity of a husband for a decade until the final straw breaks the camel’s back?
Or is love simply not giving in to rage when anger is the appropriate response to other people’s idiocy – both on the road and in the home??
We’re broken when it comes to love and I’m not sure we know how to put Humpty together again. It’s easy for us to love the people that we like. It’s all the others that we have a problem with.
My friend Don – the same guy whose idea it was for me to start this newsletter – sent me a picture of a dead mouse this week. As soon as he sent it, he texted me again and apologized as he had sent the picture to the wrong person. He had meant to send it to his neighbor. Evidently his neighbor was out of town and Don’s neighborly gesture was to check on the man’s house because (get this): the man knows he has a mouse problem and wanted someone to keep track of the mice. So Don stepped in. Now that’s putting into action the whole Jesus thing. You know the thing I’m talking about… the “thou shalt love your neighbor as yourself” thing.
I’m not good at that.
I got in trouble in the elevator a couple of weeks ago because I didn’t greet the crowd on board with a proper good evening upon entry to the cabin. Frankly, all I was trying to do was avoid eye contact with everyone.
I’m starting to wonder if perhaps we have forgotten God’s love order. We’re living in an age that makes much of the second half of the order. We’re in a culture that loves to tout “love your neighbor” to one another. Progressives love to remind everyone that we’re to love the immigrants and the marginalized. I don’t disagree. To be honest, it’s often way easier for me to love the refugees and the immigrants than it is to love the people on the elevator.
But in order to love thy neighbor well, maybe we need to refocus on the first part of the command: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.”
I want to be better at this whole love thing, but most days I’m too mad, or too jealous, or too humiliated, or too frustrated, or too tired, or too fed up with people to do that. I’d rather just let the mice move into my neighbor’s house. Why should I have to deal with my neighbor’s problems when I have my own to take care of?
Which brings me to Moses in the book of Exodus. He was living a decent life on the back side of the wilderness. Alone in his thoughts Moses had his sheep to keep him company and an entire life left to ruminate on what could have been. Then one day God broke through to Moses in a burning bush.
For the next few books of the Old Testament we read a step by step account of how the people ruined retirement life for Moses. The very people that Moses set out to save spent the next 40 years complaining about Moses and plotting behind his back. They almost killed him at least once. They smeared his name. They never thanked him for saving them from Pharaoh. They never understood what he gave up for them.
The people even cost Moses his dream of going into the promised land. They got him so mad that he finally gave in to his rage and struck the rock instead of just speaking to it.
Yet Moses continued to lead his people. Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, on sunny days and in the storm, Moses didn’t stop showing up. He fed the people when they asked for food. He showed them water when they were thirsty. He interceded on their behalf when they kept failing so miserably.
He just kept showing up for them.
They didn’t deserve it. They didn’t ask for it. They didn’t earn it. They certainly didn’t think they needed it.
But Moses remained faithful to his people.
Perhaps it’s because Moses understood that when it comes to loving your neighbor, you can’t flip the order. First, you’ve got to love God and only then is it possible to love your neighbor.
And in order to love God, you’ve got to start by understanding how deeply you’re loved by God. Which takes time and margin. It takes stillness and quiet, and sometimes an entire lifetime on the backside of the desert to fully comprehend how deeply loved by God you are.
Then and only then is it possible to clean up my neighbor’s house and smile at the crotchety old man, and step away from the lights in order to deal with the mess in my house.
And here’s the final thing I want to say about love – it’s that when you do step into the mess to love your neighbor, you’ll almost always find God waiting for you there.
How can you do the Jesus thing in your own world today? How can you re-prioritize your time to make sure you have the margin to step into someone else’s mess?
Things I’m thinking about:
To help us love well, we created a love challenge this February. Join us and get a chance to win a bundle of my newest releases.
I’ve been thinking a lot about spiritual formation and creating ways to help you deepen your walk with Christ. I’ll be hosting a Zoom meet up in March to talk about this. Become a paid subscriber and join me!
Tim Keller’s book on prayer. It’s challenging me and convicting me. Check it out.
I am convinced that sexual sin has its claws in the church. Aren’t you sick of hearing about pastors failing morally? It’s not just the pastors – it’s almost everyone! It’s not too late to get my book Don’t Tell Anyone You’re Reading This and start your road to freedom!
If you were glad to receive this letter, share this post of Learning to Live with a friend!